If you’ve never dealt in a home poker game before, there are certain rules of etiquette that you should know about beforehand.

The first thing is that, unless you’re using plastic cards (like the expensive Kem cards I recommend buying), you should break out a new deck of cards to deal with. If you’re hosting, that’s up to you. If you’re not, you’re probably not going to deal first.

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By Steve Beauregard – Like tipping your waitress at a restaurant, it’s customary (and respectful), to tip the dealer at your poker table when playing in a casino. And just like a restaurant tip, a toke to a dealer is meant to reward competence and acts as a “Thank You” for the service rendered. In the following sections I’d like to not only give you some simple tips on dealing with poker bad beats, but also define them for beginners, provide some entertaining bad beat tales, and explain why bad beats can actually be encouraging for your level of play. If you play poker for a living (or aspired to be one) the rules of tipping is simple. I don't tip huge but every pot i take down, i throw a $1 for the dealer for their work.

But either way, the first thing you do with that deck of cards is shuffle it. You need to shuffle it seven times to get it fully randomized.

There’s always a shuffled deck ready. Use one red deck and one blue deck so the cards never get mixed up.

Once you’ve shuffled that first deck of cards, you deal each player a card.

Just one at a time until the dealer is chosen.

This is to determine who gets to be the dealer first.

You get to decide what determines the dealer – you might decide that the first player to get an ace is the dealer. It could be the jack or any other card you like. Just make sure you announce it as you’re dealing the cards one by one, face-up.

Dealing continues from here as the game starts. The rest of this post will go into detail on how to be the dealer in your home poker game.

Dealer’s Choice

It used to be common to have dealer’s choice as the presiding rule at a home poker game. This just means that the dealer gets to decide which game is going to be played.

It’s more common now to host a Texas holdem game or an Omaha game, but I still like to host a home game with dealer’s choice.

If you’re the dealer, don’t spend a lot of time agonizing over choosing the game you think will give you an edge over the other players. Just announce something basic and get on with it. The worst thing you can do at a home poker game is to slow down the game for any reason.

You’re in Charge

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In most dealer’s choice games, the dealer’s in charge. In fact, for the most part, the dealer’s in charge of most games and makes most of the judgment calls about various things. Recently, I was dealing a game, and someone else decided to step in to tell another player something.

I corrected him plenty quick, by the way.

“I got this,” I told him.

You do need to pay attention to how many players are at the table before announcing the game.

If you have any special rules, you need to announce and explain those, too. You might have been playing baseball (a variant of 7-card stud) since you were ten years old, but you can’t assume the other players know how to play that game.

It’s your job to explain it if they don’t.

That’s one of the reasons I suggest sticking with the basic games. Poker’s plenty of fun without coming up with a dozen variant rules for everyone to keep up with.

When you deal a poker game, you should always offer to let the player to your right (or your left, under some house rules) the opportunity to cut the cards. He should cut the deck toward you, although he can choose not to cut the deck if he wants to.

In the event of a misdeal, the dealer gets to make the judgment call, but you can expect input from the players. A lot of home poker games have specific rules in place for misdeals, too.

Dealing With Style

I suggest keeping it simple and just doing the basics – deal the cards one at a time to each player. Don’t turn them face-up unless they’re supposed to be face-up. Take your time to avoid a misdeal.

Some poker dealers love to spout off patter as they deal, and they have nicknames for all the face-up cards. Other dealers just blandly announce the cards as they’re dealt – ace of spades, queen of hearts, etc. Still, other dealers just keep their mouths shut.

It’s also customary to announce possible hands when you see face-up cards. “Possible flush” might be something you’d announce when dealing.

They’re also supposed to make sure that the players betting put their money in the pot, and they administer side pots when they come up. You also need to make sure that the discards get handled correctly. Remember, they go in the muck.

You can even learn sleight-of-hand tricks to deal with even more style. I know a card player who only uses one hand to deal. He uses the same hand he’s holding the deck with to distribute the cards.

That takes some practice.

The Final Deal

Eventually, someone – usually the host – will announce that you’re only going to play a certain number of more hands before calling it a night.

If you’re dealing the last hand, you should think about dealing a game that’s cool enough to make for a memorable final hand.

Often, this involves coming up with a game where you can get a lot of money into action. You might announce that the ante for the final hand is double, and bet sizes are double, too.

Or you might announce a game that just builds large pots by its very nature.

The Cards Talk

“Cards speak” is the standard rule in any home poker game. This just means that the cards are what determines who has the best hand, NOT what the player announces.

If a player has a straight flush, but he just announces a straight, his straight flush still plays.

It’s your job as the dealer to recognize the hands and point out who the actual winner is if someone is confused about the strength of his hand.

Some Hosting Advice

Being the host isn’t the same thing as being the dealer, but here are some tips for the host nonetheless:

You’re looking for five to seven players usually, and you should tell them in advance when the game starts, where you’re playing, and what the stakes are.

Traditionally, at my home game, I serve frozen pizza and little smokies sausages in barbecue sauce. I usually have some cheese cubes and crackers available, too. I’ve played in other games where beer was served and hot sandwiches in a crockpot, like meatballs or barbecue.

I usually tell people to buy in for at least $50 and bring an extra $5 to apply toward snacks. With seven players on hand, that’s $35 to budget for snacks. Heck, with that kind of money, you can even buy soda pop.

There’s no shame in asking people to bring a dish to share, either.

When Should Your Game Be?

The best night to host a home poker game is Thursday night. Here’s why:

On Monday, you’re recovering from both the first day of the workweek AND from the weekend. So are the other players.

If you play on Tuesday, you don’t have anything to look forward to later in the week.

Wednesday are reserved for church for some poker players – believe it or not.

Thursday is the best day. It’s late enough in the week for people to be ready to do something fun. Also, most people get paid on Friday. So, even if they lose money, they’ll get more money the next day.

Friday is okay, but a lot of people go out on dates on Friday night. This limits the number of players who will show up.

You should host your game at a regular time and a place every week if you want it to become successful.

Conclusion

Dealing and hosting a home poker game is more involved than some people think. I’ve covered what I think are the most important basics above.

But I also know that a lot of people do it differently.

What changes would you make to this guide to dealing a home poker game based on how you do it in your home game?

Let me know in the comments.

Where poker tilt is concerned, prevention is always better than cure. You’ll save yourself a lot of wasted time, squandered money, and unnecessary grief if you can spot the warning signs ahead of time. To do this, you must learn to recognize your triggers – those things in the game that, for whatever reason, are so upsetting and offensive to you that they have the power to put you on tilt.

Tilt triggers generally fall into one of two categories: things that happen within the game itself, and external factors that are technically not part of a poker game, but which make you more vulnerable to tilt.

External Factors (Pre-Triggers)

Let’s look at the latter category first. Think of them as pre-triggers. Any number of outside influences – stress at home, financial worries, lack of adequate sleep, alcohol, drugs, etc – can leave you much more susceptible to tilt than you would be otherwise. While these outside factors won’t be the final catalyst that actually kicks off your tilt, pre-triggers still share a large part of the blame. If you come to the poker table already feeling out of sorts over problems at work or a fight with your spouse, and then you decide to unwind by having a few drinks while you play, you are setting yourself up to go on tilt the moment something goes wrong in the game.

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Think of pre-triggers as creating a kind of “perfect storm” for tilt to occur. When you combine stress and alcohol in a poker game, it’s like you’ve got a cold high-pressure system moving in from the north, colliding with a tropical low-pressure system from the south. Now all it takes one nasty gust of wind – one bad beat – and you’ll have a full-blown nor’easter on your hands. Without those pre-triggers, the bad beat might have blown over harmlessly.

Now for the Actual Triggers

You’re in the game, playing well, perhaps having to work a bit at managing your emotions when the cards go against you, but you’re doing it. You’re in control. Then something goes wrong. Tilt triggers are different for everybody but the common denominator for all triggers is that they run deeply contrary to your notions of how the game is supposed to be. The end result is that the rational, thinking part of your brain takes a powder, leaving your pride and emotions in charge of the decision-making.

Bad Beats

The usual culprit for this ugly transformation is a bad beat. From the lowliest fish to the loftiest pros, from the mundane “that’s poker” beats to the soul-crushing, two-outer suckouts, bad beats are an inescapable part of the game. Which is precisely why they are such a common tilt trigger and why you must be able to deal with them emotionally.

Bad Cards

The second-most common tilt trigger is being card-dead for a long time. After an endless procession of lousy starting hands, missed flops, and draws that never come in, even the most patient of poker players would be tempted to snap. This is a straw-that-broke-the-camel’s-back type of trigger, as the frustration just keeps piling on higher and higher with each successive fold, until it’s finally too much to bear.

Online, where games moves at the speed of light and multi-tabling is commonplace, tilt-by-cold-cards is rare. But that’s more than compensated for by the excessive number of bad beats you’ll encounter in the online games. Between the sheer volume of hands and the fact that online opponents tend to play looser, it’s not a question of if you will take bad beats, but when and how many. Add in the fact that your entire online bankroll is only a few mouse-clicks away and the ability to cope with suckouts becomes more crucial than ever.

Anything that gets your emotions flowing in as poker game has the potential to cause tilt. Excessive winning can do it. If you’re playing poker online and you lose a big pot because of a poor connection or an accidental mis-click, that can do it too. Offensive opponents also deserve an honorable mention as potential tilt triggers. But as a rule, obnoxious trash-talking opponents won’t really get under your skin unless they’re winning and you’re losing. Which brings us back to bad beats and bad cards. In one form or another, those are main triggers you need to watch out for.

Part Two: Prevention

By far, the most effective way to combat tilt is to never go on it in the first place. Easier said than done of course, but it all goes back to that old axiom: knowledge is power. To protect yourself against tilt, you must know yourself and know the game.

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Self-Knowledge

This can be difficult and slippery, if only because we humans have an incredible gift for deceiving ourselves. That’s why it’s so vital to know your triggers. Of all the things that can go wrong during a poker game, what do you find the most disturbing? So disturbing that it can prompt you to fling all your hard-earned poker knowledge out the window? Only you can truly answer that, although a coach or a poker-playing friend might be able to help you find some tilt-weaknesses from observing your play. Once you know your tilt triggers, this will put you in a much stronger position to side-step tilt before it has a chance to overtake you.

Know the Game

The more you know correct poker strategy, the harder it will be for you to stray away from it. The more you get in the habit of reviewing the hand and considering all angles – position, stack sizes, pot size, pot odds, betting patterns, playing styles, etc – before making any important decision, the more it becomes second nature for you to think this way, even during times of stress. By no means will this knowledge give you any kind of foolproof protection against tilt, but it does act as a very effective buffer.

Know the Probabilities

Remember, the number one tilt trigger is a bad beat. But what’s really sick about bad-beat-induced tilt is that many if not most of those beats were never all that bad to begin with. Poker players have a natural tendency to over-estimate the chances of their good hands holding up, which in turn makes it feel more “unfair” when another player draws out and rakes in the pot.

But realistically, good hands get sucked out on all the time and oftentimes the “favorite” hand is favored only by a small margin. An awareness of common poker probabilities certainly helps. For example: against four random hands preflop, pocket Aces will hold up to win the pot about 56 percent of the time. Roughly translated, that means the best starting hand in hold’em is slated to lose about two out of every five hands when facing off against four opponents. Even if you reduce the number of opponents to two, pocket aces will still lose about a fourth of the time. Upsetting yes, but hardly cause for a tilt-provoking, god-I’m-so-unlucky pity party.

As senseless and wasteful as tilt can be, the sheer stupidity of tilt increases exponentially if the trigger that caused it in the first place is a run-of-the-mill loss the player should have seen coming. Worse still, some of these bad beats are self-inflicted hurts brought about by poor play, typically when the player is not aggressive enough and gives his opponents free/cheap cards to outdraw him.

But you can avoid this ignominious trap by educating yourself. If you know ahead of time that your hand will fall victim to a suckout every so often, you won’t be surprised or upset when it happens – let alone have a meltdown. If you realize that you made a mistake in the way you played the hand, you can acknowledge the mistake and learn from it, instead of railing against the poker gods because one of your opponents walked right through an opening that you yourself created.

How to Avoid Tilt

And so finally, how do you combat against tilt when it has already sunk its toxic little claws into you? If you have the insight and presence of mind to realize that you’re playing on tilt, that in itself puts you far ahead of most tilt victims. But you’re still left with the problem of what to do about it at that moment.

Two Words: Stop Playing

That’s it, really. The moment you become aware that you’re on tilt, get up and walk away from the table or turn off the computer. Your only defence is to stop the train from derailing. You need to regain your composure and that takes time. If you have extraordinary discipline, you might be able to cool down after a break of five or ten minutes away from the poker table.

What you do at this point will determine the overall outcome of your poker session and it is critical that you do not lose control. If you do have the discipline to take a short break then the following are helpful tactics for controlling your emotions:

• First, get up from the poker table (or computer) and take a walk or go to the bathroom to cool off.
• Don’t use your break to call someone to discuss a bad beat – this will further tilt you, not calm you down.
• Don’t try to chat with your opponent and open the door for defensive comments that may fuel an argument.
• If you cannot get in the right frame of mind, cash in and do not keep playing – you may need a long break in order to get back to your best game state.

Much depends on your individual personality and the severity of the tilt. If you have a mild case of frustration tilt – say, you caught yourself making a loose call or two – ten minutes might be enough time to get your head screwed back on straight. But if you’ve got a full-blown case of berserker tilt, no way is a ten-minute break going to do the trick. You’ll need at least a day away from the game, preferably longer.

Again it comes down to self-knowledge. This is a judgment call, made by you and about you. When you do return to the game, you must be brutally honest with yourself in assessing that you’re indeed ready to play again. If you’re not 100 percent sure, wait awhile longer. The game isn’t going anywhere.

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Your Table Image

Another reason you should get up and stop playing is that your table image is almost certainly compromised. When you’re on tilt, any halfway-decent opponent is going to recognize your lopsided playing style and exploit it. Even if you do manage to un-tilt yourself with a short break, you’ll have a table-image problem to contend with when you return to the game. If you’re playing online, you might want to consider changing tables.

When a Long Break Isn’t An Option

Of course if you’re in the middle of playing a poker tournament, anything more than a short break isn’t really an option. But as long as you can afford to lose a few blinds, go ahead and take a break. Getting off tilt and back to your A-game is more important than playing your blinds. Take a walk. Get your mind off of whatever it was that was upsetting you so. Give yourself a pep talk, remind yourself that the players who sucked out on you were putting their money in with the worst of it. Whatever works to clear your mind and restore your sense of poker equilibrium.

A Stop-Loss Can be a Useful Tool

For some poker players, a stop-loss can be a useful tool in the fight against tilt. In theory, stop-losses shouldn’t be necessary since poker players aren’t supposed to be results-oriented. But realistically, if you’ve lost three buy-ins in a row you probably are on tilt at least a little bit – or tilt is lurking right around the corner, just waiting for one more loss. So until and unless you have the discipline to recognize the signs of tilt and stop playing on your own, a stop-loss can provide at least a modicum of protection.

What you don’t want to do is chase your losses. Ever. The poker graveyard is littered with bones of players who went broke trying to “get back even.” Even more foolhardy is the idea of temporarily moving up in limits to win your money back faster. This is exactly how a moderate loss turns into a bankroll-busting catastrophe.

Final Thoughts

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You’ve heard it before and you’ll hear it again: It’s all one long session. This bit of poker wisdom is key to overcoming tilt. If you can keep your focus on the big picture – the long term – it will be much easier to let the short-term misfortunes of the game roll off your back. It will be much easier to take a break from poker when you’re tilting, confident that you’ll win your money back later after you’ve gotten your head screwed back on straight, instead of getting trapped in the desperate compulsion to get even again rightnow. Keeping good records and even graphing your long-term results is one effective way to accomplish this. Because if you don’t learn to control tilt, it’s only a matter of time before tilt will control you.

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By Barbara Connors

Barbara lives in the Coachella Valley of Southern California and became a serious student of poker in 2001. She particularly enjoys writing about the psychology of the game.